Like fog rolling across the landscape, the despair moves deeper into my heart and soul. I realize as a follower of Christ, I can live in the peace and joy which comes only from Him. But instead, there are days which I struggle to not let the anxiety and gloom consume me. Yesterday was one of these days for me.
I know the scriptures and have heard the cliques on living a life of joy. However, there are days when joy eludes me. Days where I struggle to get out of bed and more importantly live my life for Christ. I realize it is the enemy of my soul trying to convince me to live my life defeated and depressed.
The last sixteen months have been filled with betrayal from friends, deep soul-searching and fear of the unknown. Anxiety seems to be the motivator of my emotions. My head would try and reassure my heart that God is in control. While I have the faith to believe this truth, I can’t always find the steps to walk it out.
Throughout this process, some truths are finally sinking into this thick skull of mine. The first and most important truth is God continues to revealing to me how much He loves me. Totally, unconditionally, agape love for “little old me.” No matter what I feel, say or do, He never stops loving me. Even on days when I need my duct tape angel, or those days when I am struggling to care about the well-being of my enemies. But more importantly the last few weeks, I am realizing God loves me on days when my heart and soul are heavy.
Second truth is there is power in Word of God. The scriptures bring comfort and relief in times of both sorrow and joy. The verse I have prayed and medicated on the past sixteen months has been Psalms 91:4, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” This verse has brought comfort when the fear and anxiety has threatened to overtake me. I have visualized God covering my family with feathers and protecting us under his wings.
Final truth which I alluded to earlier is one which tells me, God is in control. Even though I struggle at times walking out this truth, I know it to be correct. A speaker once spoke about life being like riding in a parade; you can only see what is directly in front of you and directly behind you. He went on to explain that God sees the whole parade. He knows where we came from and where this parade will take us. I know with the current situation in our lives, God sees what is at the end of the parade route. He has a plan and a purpose which ultimately will bring the glory to Him. The outcome will show He is still in the miracle-working business and we are overcomers because of Him.
So, when the fog of despair lifts, I clearly see Christ. I grasp ahold of the truths of His love, step into the power of His word and realize He is in control. Hope permeates my heart and soul. I know I can continue through this parade and win the battle over anxiety and despair.
Do you struggle at times with anxiety and despair? Are the truths of God’s love, power of His Word and reassurance of His control resonating in your soul? Journey with God in this parade called life and together you and I will overcome the anxiety and despair thrown at us by the enemy of our souls!