On days like today I am more than thankful that God loves me just for being me! It is reassuring to know even though I still mess up, God offers me his unmerited grace. Today was a day which ugly speculation and behavior fueled my thoughts and reactions. And at the end of the day, I need His GRACE.
For several years, I was unable to confront anyone or any situation. I know for some of you that is shocking. 🙂 However, it is true. I stuffed and stuffed my true feelings, never letting anyone know how I felt. Once, I gained back a bit of confidence in myself and realized that it was ok to have my own opinions, I swung clear to the other side of the pendulum. When challenged, the encounters ended up with me being rather shrewd. I know this to be fact because my precious husband had the nerve to tell me one day! Brave soul, wasn’t he? However, I knew in my heart he was right.
There has been a situation in my life brewing the last couple of days which had me totally frustrated. Within this situation there is a history of frustration on my part. I have had more than one chat in my head about how part of this problem is none of my business. Then, I have prayed to God for the ability to show the love of Jesus towards this particular person. But honestly, my attitudes have not changed. Early this afternoon, there was a confrontation that started through email and ended in person. With six hours in between the confrontation and this post, I wish I could be typing that my reply was one like Jesus would have shown. But it wasn’t.
Although I still feel strongly about what caused my frustration. I have to ask myself will it really matter 100 years from now and more importantly, did my actions show my Jesus. One of my life verses is, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but (say) only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God…” (Ephesians 4:29) I blew it today, dear readers! I let my mouth get in motion and didn’t act the way I am striving to live out.
Tonight there is relief because I know even despite my mess ups, my Abba Father loves me! He isn’t a Boss in the sky waiting to put me on probation or leave a “pink” slip on my desk because I didn’t follow the company protocol. He is patiently waiting for me to come chat with Him, tell about my day and then accept the Grace that only He gives and I don’t deserve. Then the next time, frustration builds up and a confrontation is needed….He will be cheering me on, believing that perhaps this time His precious daughter will choose words that will build up instead of maliciously tear down.
Abba Father, it’s me again. Yep, once again my mouth got in motion and I am sorry for what I said. Sorry, that my actions didn’t reflect my Jesus. Please forgive me. Next time there needs to be a confrontation, please God speak calmness into my heart and place wisdom in my head. Help me remember it really isn’t ever about me, but always about you and others. I want to be able to speak words that build others up and remembering that it really doesn’t even matter who ends up being right or wrong in a situation. But that my actions show my Jesus and my words speak encouragement and life into those who I disagree with. God, thank you for the assurance that you love me for who I am and not what I do. Because a lot of times, I blow it!! I love you! In Jesus name, Amen.